sin, my child, my inability and the reality of the Gospel

Discipline, obedience, sin. These are the topics that cloud my mind. My two year old reminds me most often that the way things are are not the way it's supposed to be. I jokingly say, the more Elizabeth talks the more sassy she gets. It's not a lie. I joke about it to keep myself from crying sometimes. Where did she get this?

Sin. It's so ugly. Elizabeth can just now articulate her disobedience, rather than act it out (though oftentimes it's both). We didn't have to teach her to be a sinner. It's her nature.

And it would be self-righeous of me to stop here and just talk about her sin and not my own. So, I won't. I, too, am selfish, impatient, angry. I know part of what she has learned about sin, she's learned from me. Perhaps that's the thing I hate the most. She is just like me. Our sins, though manifested differently, are very much the same. We are hardheaded, prideful, self-centered cry-babies. We get angry when things don't go our way.

Sweet, Elizabeth, I'm no better than you. When I sing, "we are weak, but he is strong," I mean we, with all my heart. Mama is weak. She is sinful. She needs Jesus. When I see you (and your sister) in all your neediness, I don't stop there. I see my own neediness. I can't make you obey, no matter how much I discipline you. Only Jesus can grace you to see me wise in the gospel. Only He can create in you a new heart. Not Mama.

I love you, but He loves you more. He has done far more than what Mama could ever do for you. He can give you a new heart, despite your sinful nature. He is gracious and good, and cleaning dirty hearts is His expertise.